A Scientist Says He's Engineered the Perfect Christmas Song
How 2017 is this? We can't just enjoy Christmas songs anymore, now we have to have algorithms making Christmas songs specifically designed to manipulate our emotions.
A musicologist at the Boston Conservatory named Dr. Joe Bennett decided that he wanted to write the PERFECT Christmas song. So he studied the lyrics, tempo, vocals, and musical key of 200 of the top Christmas songs to figure out how.
He found it was important to use words like Santa, snow, home, peace, and love in the lyrics . . . but especially the word Christmas itself. The song needed to be in a major key, have an average tempo of 115 beats per minute, and feature plenty of sleigh bells.
And using all of his info, he engineered a song called "Love's Not Just For Christmas", which he says is the, quote, "happiest Christmas song ever."
It's interesting. I listened to it, and even though I'd obviously never heard it before, it sounded somehow familiar, like a classic Christmas song. And that's probably the MOST important aspect: Somehow channeling nostalgia even though it's brand new.
So is it the next "Jingle Bell Rock" or "All I Want For Christmas Is You"? Probably not. Although I guess if we hear it enough times, over and over and over and over and over, it could get there.